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Saturday, August 15th, 2009 | Author: Moody
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Consider the warmth of the body in the chill of the night. Self-contained, a furnace; heat, the presence of life. We glow in the infrared. Our coupling makes us glow the brighter, and we appear to merge with one another. The backdrop for this is the cold eternity of interstellar space. This backdrop is the unknown. It is not unknowable, but it is far too great to comprehend in its entirety. Wheresoever we may roam in this universe, which has no boundary, it shall be as the center of it all.

Wherever you go, there you are.

But who are we? What is our history? What is our path, and how has it been determined? From protean, simplest life, we arose. In infinitesimal increments, by accident and, eventually, by intentional effort, by hook and by crook even, we found ourselves standing. Here. On the good earth. On the cruel ground. On this indifferent planet. And we proclaimed our will and ourselves in tools, in rituals of birth and burial, in artistic representation. We found our meaning in these things, and by these things we created a different world, a symbolic world. In our symbols we cached our sense of reality, found ways to communicate more and more complex ideas. History unfurled slowly until, at last, we began to map its roiling undulations, to illuminate (though still but dimly) that which forever falls away behind us.

After some 13.5+ billions of years, I, who have but one life that has endured so far for approximately 1/313,953,488th of the universe’s timeline,—I wrote:

I really do love the world. For all its pain, its sorrows and tragedy; I still love it. The full experience of being human, being alive, being conscious of this ongoing experience, is meaningful to me in a way that fills me with a sense of love. I cannot maintain such a state indefinitely; life’s pain intrudes, wounds, pulls me down at times. But even in the depths of such illness, such dis-ease as torments the mind with fear and repulsion, there is something profoundly grand about it all that makes me long for life. The worst storms pass. The worst pains end. One day, it will all be gone. And so I continue fighting for the joy, trying to find it, trying to make it, trying to share it. And I love that this is so. I don’t want “heaven”; don’t think the world is “hell”. I want this. I want the way you feel when we hug each other; want the way we feel together when we make love; want the passion of friendship more intimate than death itself. I love this world. All of it. I accept the challenge and will learn to fly without a net. And when I die I will be succored by all we shared and all I learned from you, and you, and you. It matters nothing to me that nothing follows. I love this now, and will until I’m gone forever.

This, then, is a meditation upon my human experience. It is different for everyone, and I am amazed at all the stories I come across, saddened somewhat to consider how many lives I will never even hear about. This life I have is the legacy of all that came before that had even the remotest influence on events. That I am here, who I am, could never have been predicted. The odds are, literally, astronomical. For any one of us to go back to the beginning of time and to guess where any atom would wind up, or to work backwards from now to the beginning, to predict where the atoms of our bodies came from…. It boggles the mind. And yet we can conceive of such a journey. We can turn our mind’s eye to the chance of it and grok the absurd odds of it. We are here, human, conscious; imperfect and mortal and dependent on so much for our existence. We are here, though. Present tense. For now, we exist. We have perdured as a species. The odds are that we will not do so forever. It will all pass away. But not yet.

Is that not enough on its own to shake us awake, to invigorate or refresh our passion for life, for living, to inspire us to aspire to more? From the murky depths of our prehistory our ancestors yet reach forward. Not in a teleological sense, but simply and profoundly as the impetus to live. Only, now we have the ability to define just what it means “to live”. We have the ability to define what is meaningful to us. We have the ability to order our internal representation of the world. I think it is fair to say that humankind is, by nature, the architect of its own meaning, and I think that it has been this way since the moment in our history when first we conceived the abstract idea,—that “We are here”.

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Saturday, August 08th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Alas, my poor, neglected blog! If you went by what was here you might easily get the impression that I am fickle and have trouble with commitments. Neither is true. But my life has been all awhirl with turbulent trials and stresses (”…full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”) and I’ve not had the wherewithal to work on much of anything. I’ve been posting a bit to my Posterous blog, but even that has been rather minimalistic in practice.

I continue to keep an eye on what’s happening in Iran, Iraq, and the world in general. I’d love to post my thoughts on this or that unfolding story, but it would be pathetically redundant for me to do so; there’s enough coverage and I have nothing new or unique to add to it.

I am now reading Walter Kaufmann’s From Shakespeare to Existentialism: Studies in Poetry, Religion, and Philosophy, having finished his Critique of Religion and Philosophy. I have bookmarked a number of sections in the latter work for when I get the time to return to my project. I have been thinking a lot about the work and the ideas Kaufmann so expertly gets across, and I have a lot of ideas. Getting those ideas into a post, polishing them, rewriting them if they seem the slightest bit unclear, is simultaneously easy and dreadfully difficult. That said, I have no intention of abandoning my project. Just give me time!

Finally, in general blog news, I have noticed of late a suspicious type of commenter has been visiting. On checking out the profiles of three of these commenters, I discovered that they each use the exact same comment every time, thus rendering the value of their comments null and completely suspect. I have decided that I am going to delete such comments and treat them as spam. They seem like a test run on my comment settings, a harbinger of spam to come, and I don’t like it one bit. One person doing it?—I could live with that. But three apparently different people posting cookie-cutter responses to my posts? I can’t trust anyone doing that to be on the straight and level. Sorry. Or not.

Anyway, I have shared quite enough. No? Well, more later in any case.

[This post was updated on Aug. 8th for clarity's sake.]

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Sunday, May 17th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Edvard Munchs painting of Rodins _The Thinker_

Edvard Munch's painting of Rodin's The Thinker

Life is precious. I mean, you have to realize it for it to be true—but once you do, you see how obvious it is. It helps if you read a lot, watch good movies, care about others and the state of the world and do something about it. I’m not sure how you can be taught to do that. I’m even less sure that it needs to be taught… at least any other way than by example.

Yet also it is true that “La contemplation rend souvent la vie malheureuse.” So said Nicolas Chamfort. But “the unexamined life”, as per Socrates, “is not worth living”. I know that contemplation and examination are not the same thing, per se, but maybe it is that we have to make ourselves a bit miserable—or have to be made miserable; have to have misery imposed on us, to some degree, by circumstance—in order for life to appear to us as precious as it is? Would this explain why, then, I find life so precious and worth living? And where is the balance point?

I’m just tossing this stuff up in the air to see what will float or fly, and what will fall again.

See, I’ve been re-reading my words here and considering what I’ve been saying. I’ve drawn some definite lines in the sand. I’ve erected some barricades (at least according to some people). I’ve done so because I have come to honest conclusions in my life. Conclusions about life; its nature, its origins, its outcomes, its end and its, life’s, meaning to me. I don’t know with 100% certainty what’s true. It galls me when people claim they do. But maybe I need to let that go. I know that I don’t know everything. I hardly know anything at all. But what I have learned in the last four decades of my life—mostly via trial and error—has given me the confidence to assert that life is meaningful insofar as we find meaning in it. I’ve said this before, I think. It’s worth repeating. I think now that it’s a matter of semantics, whether one says that life is inherently meaningful (or meaning-ready) or inherently meaningless (or devoid of meaning). It amounts to the same thing in the end. Why? Because we still must suss it out, discover it for ourselves, attach ourselves to it and value it. The ultimate meaning of life could be pinochle or the Glass Bead Game, or poker or The Sims. I don’t think it’s any of those things, but I’m saying that it could be and there’d be know way to know it as such unless and until I decided for myself that it was. The ultimate meaning of life could be reserved for bacteria or minerals. What kind of hubris does it take to say, “Yes, well, of course the ultimate meaning of life is this personal, human thing”? So let’s drop the ‘ultimate meaning’ thing here, right here and now.

Life, it seems to me, is meaningful. It’s meaningful because I find meaning in it or take meaning from it. I find meaning in it or take meaning from it because, as I live my life, events and things (verbs, and nouns with and without the vocative case) take on an intimate resonance through which I glean, or even grok, a sense of connective value. That value is, in the experience of it, timeless, even when it is realized because it is grasped in an inherently finite moment. In other words, ‘valuation’ is not in itself temporal (used here without any implication of there being some metaphysical eternal state).

Sorry for getting all convoluted there. Thing is, it’s difficult to say exactly why it is that life is meaningful, and “It just is!” is not at all good. Every question leads to several possible answers, and each answer leads to several definite questions, and so on. O!, Philosophie! Or do I mean Oy!—as in vey? Were I to wax poetic, as a non sequitur I’d have to assert that life is meaningful because Eros and Psyche are able to reflect on the song of a goat and not die. Eh…

Sorry for getting all non sequiturish on y’all. Anyway…

I think it’s time for me to go seek out a meaningful bite to eat, and leave the contemplation to my stomach for the nonce. Mostly, it contemplates things in the rich domain of gastronomy. Which reminds me that I must add the brilliant M.F.K. Fisher’s The Art of Eating to my foreshortened list of Must Reads. The other night I read Fisher’s “The Standing and the Waiting” (from the aforementioned book) to Kisha, at her request, and simply loved it.

Oh, and, speaking of reading, I’m within 45 pages of being finished with Infinite Jest. Not sure what I’ll be reading next, but I’m sure it’ll be good. Perhaps V., or Dance Dance Dance. Very likely I’ll supplement with a Walter Kaufmann book. And, too, I’m about halfway done with A Confederacy of Dunces, which I’m listening to in audiobook format at work.

Saturday, May 16th, 2009 | Author: Moody

In my continuing effort to broaden my connections to the various communities and individuals who use the Web, I have added Google Friend Connect (it’s over there in the sidebar). What is it? According to Google, Friend Connect allows you to “Build your community” and “Increase engagement” without having to do any programming.

Robert Scoble turned me on to it. He did have some reasonable reservations about how easy it would be for the average Web user to install on his or her blog, but even with my limited skills I was able to have it up and running in under five minutes without any problems. I imagine that the process will be streamlined over time, but right now it is not a steep learning curve. A motivated newbie could set things up without shedding tears. However, that said, I think it is fair to say that for some people the task of using an FTP application and having to manually add files to a blog directory may seem a bit much. Lots of people are used to having everything set up for them (like, fill out the sign up form and voila!—it’s ready to go), and technical stuff is all handled in the background by somebody else whose job it is to do the techie thing in the background, like quietly and unobtrusively sometime in the wee hours when decent folks are asleep and dreaming of non-electric sheep or horses or whatever.

There are also a number of other “social tools” available that Google has tied in to the Friend Connect API. All of them require just about the same amount of minor work to install. I think that they are worth looking into. What do you think?

In the meantime, I hope that you, dear reader, will consider joining one of my networks. I’d like to think that doing so will lead us both to a better level of interaction.

Friday, May 15th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Image by _StaR_DusT_

Image by -StaR-DusT-

Sometimes you just have to move on something, or from something to something else. In this case, I have unceremoniously canned IntenseDebate. After having written to their tech support people—after the recent mysterious disappearance of a couple comments—I waited over 24 hours for any response and received not even the usual form response that is automatically kicked out when a user contacts tech support. Seriously, I’m writing this post and thinking, like, Okay… they’ll probably write me back while I’m writing this post. Any minute now. As I write. Uh-huh.

And so but I’ve still not received a response. And it’s all academic now anyway because I’ve disabled and removed the plug-in—I canned it; trashed it; dumped it; chucked it out; tossed it; wasted it; binned it; deleted its presence and erased its map—and then I deleted my blog from the IntenseDebate site. Such a shame it came to it, but there you go. It’s not something I needed to debate intensely. It simply came down to the fact that the system failed me all around and I didn’t want to put a lot of effort into it when it seemed like nothing good was going to come out of it anytime soon.

I apologize to anyone who is in any way inconvenienced by my drop-kicking IntenseDebate. It is my sincerest hope that, all things considered, y’all will be pleased with the replacement I chose: Disqus (pronouned “discuss”). You can now log in to your Facebook or Twitter account to make comments here, which seems fairly cool. I still have to learn a bit about how Disqus works, but it seems like a good replacement for something that failed me utterly. And, btw, I have walked away from this whole experience having learned a valuable lesson: Know Your Options. I should have looked around before installing something that was maybe good, maybe not so good. If I’d looked around I might have found Disqus in the first place. Then again, it may be that I’ll be failed again. I sure hope not, but I’m not so naïve as to assume that Disqus is a panacea just because it’s popular and loads of people use it. If you have any thoughts about Disqus, please share them with me. In the meantime I’ll be checking out just how well it works for me.

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 | Author: Moody

A quick update to let visitors to this blog know that I appear to be having some issues with the comment system. I have contacted IntenseDebate’s tech support people and am hoping to get some resolution before anything worse happens.

What happened? Yeah, well, I lost a couple of comments. One apparently is permanently gone, but I was able to retrieve and re-post the other. Most frustrating, but I shall refrain from whingeing.

If you have posted a comment and not seen it show up, please know that—unless I’ve personally told you I was going to (probably because you have actually threatened me in a comment or proven yourself to be a total nutcase, wanker, crank, git or prat)—I have not blocked you. And don’t worry that maybe your comment wound up being erroneously flagged as spam. I regularly check on the Oubliette (which, I suppose, is kinda funny that I do that and still call it an oubliette) de spam to make sure there’s only the excretory vomit of spammers and ne’er-do-wells emprisonné dans l’enfer existentiel.

UPDATE: No word yet from the tech people at IntenseDebate, which I understand it’s late and all—but…. The comment I re-posted has vanished again! I checked my blog out in another browser and it’s not showing up there, either, so I’m fairly convinced it’s gone from the page (though not from the WP Dashboard). I’m not yet having the fantods over it, but I am certainly about ready to send the present comment system packing in favor of—oh, I dunno, Disqus, maybe? ::shakes fist at IntenseDebate people in an unhappy manner::

Sunday, May 10th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Her voice is unsteady. “It goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, I guess I’d say”, she says. She wants to know how I am, and I carefully steer the conversation away from the topic. I want to know how she’s doing, all things considered…. All things considered. For over two years now, I and my family have been sitting on the most discomforting chair there is. Over two years ago, I wrote that my mother is dying. She had expected it. We had all expected it. And we sat together, figuratively speaking, as a family, and we waited, as she waited. Only, the day hasn’t come yet. The medication has gotten stronger. Morphine and methadone were prescribed to keep the pain manageable. They have prolonged everything, necessary as they are for her. Long, managed suffering is preferable to sheer agony of unknown duration. (Isn’t it?) So we have waited, worried, wondered when. We continue to do so.

My Mother

My Mother

It has been over two years. I know the day will come. It will be a relief for her, most of all. But we all will finally let go that breath that we have held for so long, now. She breathed her life into us, and we will exhale when hers is done. And then we will inhale again, and it will hurt to take that breath.

The pictures you see here were taken in front of my childhood home. My mom was a stay-at-home mom for most of my early years. She kept a clean house. She watched the Lawrence Welk Show and loved the Lemon Sisters and Time Magazine. She played the piano as best as she could and sang to her heart’s content. She was old school. She grew up in the Great Depression era and her husband, my father, whom she met and fell in love with when she was still a teenager, was a Navy man.

My childhood home was their longest place of residence. It was a nice place. Roomy and upper middle-class, with a two car garage. It had a big backyard with a tall oak tree in its south end, whose shade fell on nearly a third the yard’s expanse. At the north end of the yard there were rose bushes. My mother spent a lot of time with those rose bushes, pruning and tending them in her thick gardening gloves, a scarf, and a big straw hat, one of our dogs we had over the years, running around the yard chasing birds and butterflies or sleeping in the shade. She would bring in roses, also lemons and avocados from our trees, and, rarely, sometimes apricots. And for the most part, these were the highlights of her individual, personal, “alone time” life. She took great pleasure in her time in the yard, even as she continued to struggle at being a good mother and spouse in a household that was, even during the best of times, a difficult one to manage and bear. It took me many years to appreciate just what she went through while I was growing up.

When I was still a kid, my mom went back to school. She took courses at the local community college and became a Licensed Vocational Nurse. She did so against the wishes of my father and my own childish complaints. In the end, she went to work taking care of terminally ill children. I won’t here delve into the psychology of her choices. It’s not my place to do so. But I can say that I admire her for what she put herself through even as I feel sad that she felt driven to such a painful place. She would come home sometimes with heartbreak written across her face, and in her home there was more waiting.

Now, these many years later, my father is taking care of her, 24/7, with meager hospice aid. She is bedridden, forbidden to put any weight on the leg she recently broke simply by moving the wrong way. There are only two ways she will be leaving her home, now. She told me again this morning when I called that she thinks it’s almost time, this time. My hope is that I get to see her again one more time, but I am not so selfish as to hope that she will stay with us any longer than she must. It would be better for her to sleep that final sleep and suffer no more than hang on for others’ sake.

My Mother and I by the trusty VW Bug Id one day own.

My Mother and I by the trusty VW Bug I'd one day own.

Over and over, she told me she loves me. Today on the phone, and any time I’ve ever spoken to her. “I’ll always love you. No matter what.” That is what she’s always said. And so I shall always love her. Whatever we’ve been through in our lives, no matter how difficult, she’s been my mom. We forgave each other for our faults and failings a long time ago, now. Now there is nothing left but moving toward the final passage, the final parting. “I hope you’re having a happy Mothers Day, Mom. I love you”, I said. Her voice was fading in and out, but she said, “Oh, honey, thank you. I am. I’m so glad you called”. That’s my mom. I’m so glad I got at least one more Mothers Day to wish her happiness.

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Friday, May 08th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Woke up around 6:50 in the AM to make sure our boy made it to the bus on time. Fixed some instant coffee (-like substance) and sat in bed reading Infinite Jest for awhile. I read before work every morning, which is usually the only time I get to actually sit and read anything not on a screen, so I figured I might as well do so this morning even without having to go to work. I’m almost done with the book; I’m into the 800s. After I read, I took my now-cool-enough-to-drink coffee outside to the balcony with me and I sat in the plastic chair with the metal legs and sipped from my Dia de los Muertos mug while having a smoke. The sky this morning is default daylight blue. No clouds. The promise of a hot day feels obvious. Like, there’s no need for an explicit promise; anyone from the neighbors to the bees could tell you it’s going to be hot today.

Sitting here now, the laptop is warm on my bare legs. A readout in the Menu Bar tells me the CPU is 131°F presently (actually, this temp keeps going up and down a degree or two by the minute).

I’ve not yet dived into the morning’s email. I subscribe to a few science-oriented emails via Google Alerts and ScienceBlogs and the AAAS, and every day I get at least six updates. Sometimes there’s nothing that really grabs me, or something grabs me but is over my head and I can’t therefore really get into what it’s saying even if the headline is intriguing. I wish I could be back at school, studying science and grokking even the nuances, but it’s like they say: if wishes were food, no one would go hungry.

So the reality is that my paycheck went to rent and fuel and necessities, and there’s less than $40 left to last from now until the mid-month paycheck. I’m not even considering the fact that, thanks to an untimely annual fee I didn’t see coming, I’m overdrawn in my secondary account. I console myself with the fact that at least I still have a job. My thoughts go out to those who have lost theirs, or who are still hanging on—after months, now—to some paltry unemployment check while they try to find work like the end of one particular thread in a ginormous bale of knotted strings. I don’t know what we’d do if I lost my job. As precariously perched as we are on the fence between emergent poverty on one side and safety on the other, the idea of being out of work is harrowing and stomach churning. Which is not to say that I am unaware that I am still living better than most people in the world, or that it is not without irony that I am sitting here with a MacBook and writing this post for my personal blog while science-oriented emails sit in my in-box as my partner of eight years sleeps beside me and our boy attends to schoolwork at his school. I mean, I may be worried about putting gas in it, but I have a decent car sitting out there.

So I’m in the strange position of being both under the sword of Damocles and grateful for my riches, wondering simultaneously how I’m going to parcel out my meager funds and what book I’m going to read next. This is, doubtless, a modern problem, the fruit of great wealth floating the boat of the nation like some huge swell so that even the poorest people often have cell phones even as they call a plastic tarp shelter a “godsend”.

And but so I’m thinking that I should probably re-read one of my Walter Kaufmann books, but maybe secondarily to one of the other books I’ve got that I’ve never read and have on my list. Reading takes me away from contemplating my pecuniary troubles while also serving to educate me further or enhance my understanding of the world. I prize anything that will better me, because it’s a worthwhile and never-ending goal that requires constant effort. And let us be clear here what I mean when I say that I want to better myself. I see bettering myself as one sure way to be better for others. I want to better myself so that I am better able to interface with the world, which is, for me, mainly made up of other people and their connections to others and possibly me. Actually, I find all this to be ethically necessitated by the social contract [see here and here; do not overlook Pateman's and Mills' invaluable critiques].

Ah… Well, the groundskeepers are here now. Leaf blowers and string trimmers are furiously abuzz and aggressively a-whine. My partner has pulled a pillow over her head. The tea kettle was heard recently to whistle downstairs. The day’s active phase is ramping up. But as for me, I’m already wanting to get back to the earlier quiet. A day off should have plenty of quiet, even if it’s not possible to keep the chatter down in the brain’s thought pool.

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 | Author: Moody

There are bound to be casualties on both sides in the culture wars.  Try as we might to be considerate to those whose feelings and opinions matter to us, we are bound to run into some difficulty that either hurts them or us. If we speak our minds to persons close to us whose position radically differs from ours, we risk making them feel diminishing and alienating them. If we keep our mouths shut and keep our ideas private, we risk feeling passively diminished and alienated.

Ideally, we’d like to be able to be who we are and know that those close to us will accept us. This is especially the wish where family members are concerned. It’s also the type of relationship most likely to expose us to one of the most unfortunate sides of the culture wars. It is the place in our lives where we will probably have to draw strictly defined lines in order to save ourselves and those we care about from long-lasting wounds.

Of course it’s not the only place we will find ourselves drawing such lines. Other relationships (professional or casual) will require us to do so for the sake of civility. But I am mostly concerned here with close interpersonal relationships, especially familial ones, because these are really thorny and fraught with danger.

more…

Sunday, March 15th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Every now and again I get a wistful feeling when I hear someone talking about how satisfying her or his spiritual beliefs are. Such people are often very sincere, I know; when you have a belief, it feels like certain knowledge. So the heartfelt expression of their words is filled with that sense of “real” immanence that looks like bliss. I am not above being moved by the sincerity of others. But I am also aware that this sincerity is no measure of reality or factual truth.

Artist Anthropic Interpretation of God

Artist's Anthropic Interpretation of 'God'

A child can very sincerely pray to Santa Claus to give them some special, achingly desired gift. His or her belief in Santa Claus is utterly genuine, and the faith that Santa will hear his or her prayer is absolute. But we know that there is no fat, jolly, white-bearded old man with apple cheeks and a twinkle always in his eye. We know that it’s us, the adults, the parents, who will provide whatever gifts we can reasonably provide.

Yet there is something so moving about a child’s sincerity. Their mistaken belief (that there is a Santa) can lead us to long for the days when we (if ever we) believed in that benevolent, altruistic old man. It is of course akin to the belief in Providence, under whatever name we choose or grew up with. I hear people talk about how their “relationship” with their deity fulfills them, nurtures them, makes their lives better, makes them better as people and sees them through the hard times. And how could one not want that?

If I believed, though, my world would have to be totally different. You cannot un-see the things you’ve seen; cannot unlearn your life’s education by experience. If I believed, I would have to be someone else. And the thing is, I used to be someone else. I used to believe. I was brought up in a basically Catholic household and, like most children, I accepted things my parents told me were just simply true. I asked the kinds of questions kids ask, and I got the kinds of answers kids get, including the “Well, son, God works in ways we don’t always understand” type of answer. And this might have been enough to keep me keeping on with my family’s religion. To paraphrase what the Bard wrote: I could have been bounded in a nutshell, and counted myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I had bad dreams. Those bad dreams were not just dreams, of course; they were bad experiences that shook my whole little world to the core and broke its foundations.

For some people, this is exactly what brings them to a religion. If I believed, I’d cite those horrors as being high among my reasons for my belief. Really, though, those horrible experiences were simply what unmoored me and set me adrift. I can point to them now and say that they are, collectively, the straw that broke the camel’s back, but the things that led to my atheism were spread out over a much longer period and perhaps were rooted in the days before so many terrible experiences had come to pass.

If I believed now, it would have to be in an entirely unfathomable deity beyond any hope of interaction. If I believed now, I would no more accept Jesus than I would Vishnu or Mithras or Mohamed. If I believed now, I might actually hold all the New Age stuff in even more contempt.

Those wistful feelings I have… I understand them in myself. It is not that being an atheist is somehow inherently lonely. Atheists have the same world believers have. Atheists have families and friends and social lives just like anybody else. What atheists lack is a delusional, childlike buffer against the realities of the world. And sometimes it feels like that’s a real loss. When someone else can take up a rosary or join hands with their friends and pray that things get better, I can only look on and shake my head. Only action in this world gets results. As has been demonstrated time and again, prayer has no effect whatsoever on the odds, the statistics, the real world outcomes of events. There is no Santa Claus.

Augustine with his mother, Monica

Augustine with his mother, Monica

Tertullian

Tertullian

If I believed, my beliefs would have to take the real world into consideration. My deity would hear no prayers. My deity would be essentially amoral and unconcerned with what we do. My deity would be beyond good and evil. My deity would effectively act (if that word could be considered applicable) as if it didn’t exist at all. But I don’t believe. Nor am I a fool. There is no reason to believe in that which effectively doesn’t exist. Let the Tertullians of the world say, “Prorsus credibile est, quia ineptum est“. Let the Augustines practice their rhetoric. And let them leave me in peace. I have put away childish things, and I have turned away the “innocent” comfort and the tortured apologia.

Sometimes I suffer a wistful feeling, and that’s only natural. Life is unapologetically difficult sometimes, just as it is beautiful at others times without asking for credit.

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 | Author: Moody

hu•man•i•tar•i•um noun 1a. a place in which the whole of our humanity may be viewed in a loving and compassionate manner. 1b. humanity as so viewed: with feelings of love he beheld all lives as one humanitarium.

Life is a Garden as Galaxies are Flowers

Life is a Garden as Galaxies are Flowers

One removes one’s shoes before entering, for here no artificial sole shall tread. The bare feet shall feel only the grass, the dirt, the concrete, the hard scrabble, the sand, the asphalt; the bare feet shall feel only the world as it is upon entering. Once inside, there are couches to recline on, so that one may gaze up and around at the space above. It is empty space, at first. This is important.

It’s important because one must be reminded that first there was nothing, nothingness, not-even-nothing. This emptiness represents (re-presents) the unconsciousness that came before life found conscious awareness.

The first sign of anything is a vague blur of darkness moving in darkness. Images flicker in near-infrared across the void, hardly to be perceived, more to be felt, groped at by the mind as it attempts to make sense of what it feels it’s almost seeing. There is a dim perception, a half-notion, that the movement is becoming more purposeful. Geometric structures seem to float by, losing themselves in clouds of obscurity before leaving a solid impression.

But slowly, steadily, points of light become known. One is thrilled by them, welcomes them, wants them to grow brighter, feels lighter as they slowly do just that. And as they do, they take on patterns. Or, rather, the mind begins to connect the dots, begins to see structure and form develop out of their initially haphazard appearances.

These structures are familiar to us nowadays. They are galaxies, galaxy clusters, nebulae and nurseries. Yet they are not these things. They are human beings seen from a far enough remove that seldom can an individual be made out. They are societies, peoples, tribes and kingdoms and countries.

They are beautiful.

But as this universe of humanity evolves there are scenes that also give fright. Stellar conflagrations on a massive scale: galaxies colliding with galaxies; great stars bursting and disappearing; waves of stars fading almost as soon as they have thrown their first light. Unlike the universe above, the human universe is more chaotic and events move more quickly. Also, all human stars or the remains of human stars eventually make their way to the center of the human universe. For there resides the great annihilator. All that is born is destined to eventually arrive there and disappear down the insatiable throat of the supermassive black hole: death. That is our end.

But it is known that no information can be destroyed. And as any one is pulled inexorably into the final spiral of existence, there is that which escapes (for however long, no one knows). Memories, letters, books, artwork, photographs, music, histories; we see them shed into the greater universe. There is always that which remains. And from those whose brilliance shone for a time, brighter than a billion others, others seem to gain in brightness.

One gazes at these scenes and is filled with wonder. Where terrible struggles, endured and perdured, seem in their gravity to be ineluctable tragedies beyond hope of any good outcome, yet there comes afterward a time of new building, new structuring, new activity. One sees that humanity goes on.

All that space in which humanity’s light stands out… How could it be that we would mistake it for naught? Bounded by laws yet almost boundless in potential… How could it be that we would think it pointless? As we gaze up and around at the great stage of human existence, see how we struggled into light and see how we struggle to stay alight, we see another facet of our own, personal, existence. In the dim, unknowable past there was a moment when first some ancestor of ours realized, for the very first time, that she or he existed. That sense was the most profound happening, surely. One can imagine her looking down at her own hands and flexing her fingers, turning her palm up, turning her palm down, and processing the realization that there she was, herself, alive.

In the humanitarium, these romantic thoughts may bear real fruit. Life is a struggle for existence. Life is so brief. Yet it is replete with possibilities to realize that it all matters, as much as we can make it matter. And to realize this for oneself is, in any healthy mind, the harbinger of that clarion call to help others toward that same realization. (How could one sleep unaware, child of the mountains or no?) What need must be fulfilled for us to admit that in our short lives there is nothing better or more important than bettering life for all—that it is the most worthy goal? Just look at all those stars! Look at us. See that, even rounded with a sleep, it is a beautiful pageant. Even in its sadness and tragedy, its foolishness and failures, there is an enduring, perduring, center of meaning that each successive generation lends its voices to for good or ill. Something so remarkable, so astounding as the fact that we are alive and able to see ourselves and this universe… How could I not want with all of me to give my joy to others?

And after one has arisen and walked back along the way, put back on one’s shoes and listened to the near-silent click of the doors as they close, it often occurs to one that there is no way (and no desire) to look at humanity the same way again. We are all a part of a dance that transcends us and makes us. When we are gone, it will be done, save that it likely would be carried on elsewhere by some others we know not. But there is only one humanity, and we are it.

It’s true that the analogy only goes so far, but as far as it goes it’s a good one for me. What do you think?

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 | Author: Moody

See Here: Comment Calamity? No. Not anymore.

Why stop at a new theme when you can also make your comments section more lively?

I have now installed the IntenseDebate plugin and am ready to intensely debate things… or, you know, talk. But what you want to know is what in the blue blazes is this IntenseDebate thingum? Well, you could click the link, yeah? You could leave a comment and see for yourself, right? And maybe you would, if only I’d stop frakkin around and give you something to work with. Ahem. I know. OK then. Check it. Here is their official press release:

IntenseDebate provides many new features meant to inspire discussion and easily follow the conversation. In order to better organize the discussion, we’ve implemented comment threading which allows users to directly reply to one another. Users also have an identity that spans across all blogs powered by IntenseDebate. Along with this is a reputation value, based on the quantity and quality of the comments users make, meant to give an overview of a user’s commenting history. Quality is determined by the users through comment voting, which also serves to move the best comments to the top. With all of our comment systems being interconnected, we make it easy to track users and their activities across all blogs using our system by providing email and rss notifications. In short, IntenseDebate has completely transformed the commenting experience. IntenseDebate. Comments Rediscovered.

That’s fairly straightforward. And so was the process of installing the plugin and signing up. The only snag was in the importation of comments. On my first try there were a few comments lost (not really lost, but they failed to show up on the blog even as they were still found backstage—where all the magic happens!). I reset the plugin with the conveniently located button and re-imported my comments. This time they were there. So, a few minutes of WTF? followed by the FTW! moment.

Monday, March 09th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Just wanted to note that I’ve switched to a new theme. Nothing really wrong with the default theme, but I wanted something more pleasing to the eye and exciting. Green Light, available from TemplateLite.com, was just what I was after. I am still looking at some other themes (with an eye out for excellent customization features), but for now and the foreseeable future I am very happy to say I’ve got a look for VWN that pleases me.

Brian, the fellow who designed Green Light and many other excellent themes, deserves a huge round of applause for many reasons: clean code, cross-browser compatibility, professional design standards, etc. I hope that you’ll go check out his work.

Saturday, March 07th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Poised on the edge of an abyss, we surf the wave of being into the future. It requires skill, and foresight, control, and concentration. One wrong move and, acutely unbalanced, we will topple into the crushing chaos of the massive wave. Karma is what happens at the point where intention meets action and action metes out results. As the force that drives the wave propels us forward, we are always at the mercy of its power. It is the great unconscious progenitor of our kind; blind, mute, deaf and dumb. Yet it is that it finds its expression in us. We are the consciousness of the wave; eyes, ears, nose, tongue, touch—the body sensate, alive to its existence. The abyss is the greater unconsciousness that yawns like a bottomless maw, ready to swallow us, ready to swallow even the wave itself, to take it all into nothingness. But so long as we ride the wave, the future unrolls with us.

Please pardon the poetic language. I have lately been taken by a sense of our predicament that rather outreaches my ability to capture it in the usual prose. I want to turn my attention to it here at VWN, break it down into accessible entries that reflect my understanding, but it’s difficult for me. There are so many voices out there on the Web saying many of the things I’d like to say, only saying it better. I read them to inform myself. It would be foolish of me to presume to be equally as informative, when most of my time is spent processing pieces of paper in a smallish office. Hell, these days I’m just happy to have a job, right?

Then again, it’s the people at my job whose lives inspire me to attempt to put some things to words here. They inspire me because I have learned just how little concern people can have with regard to what’s going on in the world. Not that I don’t wonder if maybe I’m the fool here, because I pay attention to and worry about things that I really don’t have a lot of control over. I mean, what good does it do me to think about the peril we’re in? I still have to drive a car by myself every workday morn. I still have to buy food products whose very existence is virtually an affront to the planet’s ecosystem. I still have to participate in the madness of an American life. Don’t I?

It’s all well and good to say “Tune in, turn on, drop out”—until you are responsible for helping maintain a household that you do not get to set the rules for. It’s all well and good to say “I quit!”—until you realize that your options are strictly limited by factors you cannot alter, even out of necessity, without a significant investment of time and capital and you have neither.

And yet there has to be some sort of change for me, because I cannot stand idly by and just watch the bad things happen. I have a strong sense of responsibility where life on earth is concerned. However convinced I may be that we have passed a tipping point, bluffed too long with a bad hand and now have to lay down our cards and pay up, I feel that it is very important we face the treacherous future with our eyes wide open.

(More to come.)

Category: Musings, Personal  | Tags:  | Comments
Thursday, February 12th, 2009 | Author: Moody

Charles Darwin, photographed by Margaret Cameron

Charles Darwin in 1868, photographed by Margaret Cameron

In 1868, on the Isle of Wight (renowned for its dinosaur fossils), the talented photographer Julia Margaret Cameron took the picture of Charles Darwin you see here. Today is his birthday. Were he alive today, he’d be 200 years old. One can imagine that his beard would be all the longer and whiter and his head all the balder, but there would certainly still be that intense light of inquisitiveness in his eyes.

It is amazing to think of all that has come from Darwin’s seminal work, On The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or The Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life. (N.B.: “Races” here does not refer to anything even remotely racist. Darwin was, in fact, a passionate abolitionist who detested slavery. In the book’s context, ‘races’ refers to “variations within species” [T.O.].) Darwin kick-started a revolution in science that led, and continues to lead, to an ever-broadening knowledge of life. He was tireless in his pursuit of understanding, and his works reflect his immense intelligence and insight. The life sciences owe him an eternal debt and, by extension, we all do. As Theodosius Dobzhansky said: “Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution”. Modern medicine relies heavily on the theory of evolution. Our understanding of viruses would be impoverished were it not for the leads provided by the theory of evolution.

Yet, Darwin would be astonished to learn about genes and genetic drift. He had no real way of knowing about genetics in his own day, though the necessary technical developments were not too far in the future. He would probably smile mirthfully to see how his theory had evolved, and I’ve no doubt that the modern synthesis would have greatly intrigued him.

Happy Birthday to you, Charles Darwin! I salute you and honor you this day and all this year.

As for you, dear reader, be sure to check out Darwin Day Celebration, Origins, and Darwin 200. And if those aren’t enough to leave you sated, I’m sure there’s plenty more you can find to read.