11.10.05
Recent Thoughts
Mars continues to recede as slowly as it approached, and with it goes the predominant feelings of these last few weeks. I think my mind is clearing a bit, now, but it will be a few more days until I have the time to take stock in it and assess the situation I am in.
But let me say this much: I know that this time - encompassing mere months - has been a hard time for a lot of people. Earthquake, hurricanes, tornado; genocide, ongoing wars, civil unrest, terrorism; all we need is a global pandemic (which may, in fact, be waiting in the wings) and death will have a full house.
That I and my family have been dealing with death - both recent and imminent - closer to home than, say, Darfur or Iraq, Indiana or New Orleans: what can I reasonably say of that? At what point does one’s personal grief get lost in the world’s?
We all know that it does not. If anything, the reverse is what often happens. Thus, as children starve and soldiers die, I grieve all the more over the death of our beloved cat and feel the poignant anticipation of my mother’s death. And who would blame me? That which is of my life is truly mine, whether good or ill. In context, my experience of the world is immediate and real in a way that upstages the experiences of others, even though I am no less aware of the reality of others’ experiences.
I want to stress, though, that I am no less aware of the reality of others’ experiences. I am aware of where in the world I am, aware of the differences, in kind and degree, between my experience and the experiences of others. More pointedly, I am aware that to a significant degree I am a very fortunate person, and I know - or rather, believe - that I must consider just how fortunate I am if I am to come to an honest understanding of my own circumstances in the world.
